If I were a CO detector, where would I be?

I have a few weird, quirky rules that I’ve never quite figured out how I came to have them. One rule is I never turn the heat on unless it’s under 30 degrees during the day. Typically it has to be at least November before I flip the switch. So far this October it’s been in the low 40’s and has snowed twice. In all honesty it’s been pretty tame. The cold front has been warm, the snow doesn’t stick and generally it’s not bad out. When the first snow came I pulled out the heavy blankets and sweat shirts…we would survive! And we did. Until tonight, just a few days short of the target month. The hubby is sick and out of pity (loving pity) I broke my winter rule and turned on the heat. The fact that when he tracked me down in the house I was in bed under four blankets and had another one wrapped around my head inadvertently helped his cause. It’s only 37 degrees now, ten degrees warmer than when I woke up this morning, but alas the winter chill is beginning to set in. Winter has tackled Fall and is pinning it to the ground where it’s struggling helplessly while Mother Nature cackles gleefully from the sidelines.

As I was setting the temperature I happened to notice our CO detector was missing from its rightful place above the thermostat. Then I remembered sometime over the summer the battery had started dying in the middle of the night and out of annoyance I had ripped it from the wall and told my husband to buy a battery the next day. If you read that sentence again, closely, you’ll see the flaws. Let’s address the first…ripping the thing off the wall and throwing in the guest room. I’m a cranky person if I get woken up in the middle of the night, I do not stand for it! So this little piece of plastic got the brunt of my annoyance. Second…in the middle of the night I told my barely awake husband to buy a battery and miraculously believed that his affirmative answer was the end of the matter. He barely remembers when I ask him things in the middle of the day let alone when he’s sleeping!! He forgot the battery and I forgot about the detector. It was June, who wouldn’t? I do remember coming across it shortly after and asking for the battery to be picked up. Again, it was forgotten. I’m pretty sure this happened a few times. Weeks of hundred+ degrees push carbon monoxide right from the brain. I had months to fix this. No problem.

Yet here I am only four short months later and I’m spending my evening trying to become the object in question. Think like a piece of plastic! If I were a CO detector, where would I be? Would I hide in the utility closet? The paint shelf? Or maybe near the tools? Sadly, no. I have no recollection of putting it in a sensible place. I know I’ve seen it around the house but the vague memories I have of seeing it are in places like my makeup bag (the bag is enormous) or in the medicine cabinent. I’m checking everywhere and I mean everywhere. My sock drawer, on top of the fridge, with the video games. Nothing. When I checked the towel closet my nice, neatly folded towels I had just put away fell out and landed in a heap on the floor. I’m not ashamed to say I stuffed them back in and shut the door.

Knowing myself quite well I believe I have figured out its fate. One of my extremely bad habits is the tendency to make temporary hiding spots for things when I have company. I hid a speaker behind a painting on a shelf because I had forgotten to pack it away with the others and didn’t want to drag out the box. At the time that I’m making these decisions the justification is superb. Some items return safely to their actual homes…many, many others are still lost to this day. The poor CO detector. Of all the things I could hide….

This all begs the question… why didn’t I just fix it in the first place? I’ve asked myself that question several times tonight and have come up with answers that just make me seem like an idiot……..oh wait, I am. After pushing my great revelation aside I’ve come to the conclusion I’m going to have to buy a new one. Tomorrow…

So now I’ve turned on the heat and have no carbon monoxide detector which has led me to MASSIVE PARANOIA!!!! In my paranoia I’ve cracked open some windows which has resulted in the dog sitting at the window with her nose stuck in the opening because she thinks she’s headed to the great outdoors soon. Everytime I move past her she jumps up and becomes seriously excited that we’re going out for a jaunt in the dark. My husband, not caring in the slightest, is sleeping soundly (or as soundly as someone with a congested head/nose can sleep). I’m almost certain I’ll be up all night. The combination of paranoia and snoring is one doozy of sleep killer.

On the bright side…I don’t need as many blankets tonight. 😉


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